USA true story 2

Im writing to ask if there are any men here who are in the same position asme. I was raped by a girl when I was 15. I thought we were in love, andone day, I went to her house with her. We'd spoken about sex, and she knewmy feelings perfectly. Although I was interested, I was very cautious, andI felt I wasnt ready. I was nervous around women anyway, since I'd onlyjust become interested in them really. So we went back to her house oneday - it was the day before I had to be at school at night for a quiz night.When I was at her house, she poured me a drink. It was alcoholic, and verystrong. I knew it was alcohol, she didnt deny that. She said it wouldsettle my nerves. So I drank it, straight down. I remember a short whileafter that, feeling a bit sick - which I assumed to be the alcohol, thenblank. I've never had any reaction like that to alcohol since, so all I canassume is that there was something in the drink.
This doesnt add up to me. Why would a girl put drugs in her boyfriendsdrink? It doesnt make sense. My self searching says nothing. I cantfigure out what I did that was so wrong.
Ok, so I remember coming around, being totally dazed. It took me a while tofigure out where I was, and even who I was. I was totally confused. I woketo find my girlfriend on top of me, with me inside of her. It makes me sickto think about it. When I finally became consious of what was going on Ipushed her away and lost it. I felt physically sick, and angry, and justgenerally mixed up. When I confronted her, asking what the hell she wasdoing, and what the hell she'd done to me, she said that she thought it'd bea nice treat. I told her it was over, and that I would go to the police,and she came at me with a knife, saying that if I told anyone, she'd justsay that I raped her. I pushed past her through the door, and she pulledthe knife across my fingers. My fingers still have the scar from the cutshe made. Obviously I didnt go to the police after what happened. But itmessed my head up totally. I left school, because I could not concentrateon any of my work, and I could not get on with any of my teachers.
I told a few of my close friends. They just asked why I didnt lay back andenjoy it. It makes me wonder if its actually me who has the problem.
Has anyone else had any experiences like this? If so, how did you deal withthe strain it puts on you? How do you manage to get it out of your head?and how did you figure out the answer to the most important question - why?
ThanksRobbie